The talk.

I decided that I would sleep in this morning since I did not need to worry about teaching the First Aid class in Pullman. It had been cancelled. Around noon I got up and let Amber in the house. I hung around the house vegetating most of the day.

Then it was time to head to Pullman for vehicle maintenance. I got up there and signed up for Rescue since no one else was signed up. Michael and the others showed up. We started on the maintenance. I worked on Rescue. Afterwards Michael and I drove to station one to get supplies that were missing. He asked what was going on. So, I told him. I said that I don't normally like to use names, but in this case it was necessary.

I told him about Shane and how I am treated by him. How it started to get bad when I overheard him and Bryan talking with his girlfriend about the place at the station. I told him how Shane will not sign up for rescue night with me nor Brandon. I talked about how Brandon and I are excluded from the clique within the shift. It is the AJH Fireguys and then Brandon and I. We are always on the outside. I mentioned about the big shift get together. Then it was cancelled and no one bothered to tell Brandon and I. How there was another get together that happened. Once again Brandon and I were left out. I talked about the night at dinner when the crew was doing hydrant maintenance. Brandon and I were again left out of the conversation. The conversation revolved around AJH Fire and other subject that Brandon and I are not a part of.

He said he understood the problem. He said that Shane was that way with more people than just me. He said that in the next eleven months the whole crew will turn over. Starting in April the first will go, then in May, then in November. He said it would only be him and I left.

I then said that some of the other problem is the interactions we have had. I said that part of it is my problem for not communicating these problems early and getting the taken care of. I told him how he would yell at me in front of other people. I told him about the first time I messed up and left without the proper number of people who he yelled at me in front of other people. Then about a year later I screwed up again, and he again yelled at me in front of other people. He also said "This is your second major fuck up." I did not see it as a big screw up like he said it was. I told him that when I feel it is necessary to "yell" at someone at the jail I do it in person I pull the person aside and I talk pretty calmly about the problem. I said that I did not like getting yelled at like that. Then I told him that I believe that ever since going to the shifts that I was never someone who was wanted on C-Shift. I was just someone was better than the alternative. I always felt unwelcome on the shift. I never felt like a C-Shifter. I never felt he was talking about me when he would say things like "C-shift rules", or "C-shift does this or that better". I told him about that night a few Friday's ago when he said that Jason would drive the rest of the shift, and then gave the keys to Jason after the call. To me that was the final thing.

He said that he is sorry I feel that way, and that he has not meant to make me feel that way. He said he was sorry for yelling at me like he did. He said if I still feel I need to leave the shift that I could trade with someone like Francie.