KenJen lost

I was surly tired this morning and I got out of bed later than I would have chosen otherwise. On my way to work I heard Andy Savage in the Morning talk about an issue a listener had raised. She is about to turn forty. She had a pact with a good friend of hers in college. They agreed if by forty, they are not married, they would marry each other. She is now worried because the guy still wants to follow through and she is worried that if she goes through with it and then a short time later finds her soul mate it could be bad.

Callers said to do it. One guy said not to do it, because unless they were madly in love then it would not work out. She said she loves him. But probably not as someone she would normally marry. This got me to thinking today. I am thirty, and I am eighteen days away from being yet another year older. I am not married. I have no kids. Granted, it is harder being a gay man to do those things. I would love to find a girl and marry her. Have kids and live a normal life leaving behind the fact that I am gay. I would suppress my natural feelings in order to feel normal. But I am at the point where I am not sure. I get worried because I want to have kids now, not when I am forty.

But I also believe in fate. When it is meant to happen, and *if* it is meant to happen it will. I cannot force something that was not meant to happen. That is the thing I have learnt. Over my life I have wanted many things. I would get disappointed when I did not get what I wanted, but then something would happen that I was happy about. That thing would have been impossible if I had gotten my way earlier.

I got a phone call today from the College of Architecture and Engineering for a job interview. It will happen on Monday. I am excited. It would mean a pay raise and more importantly a move back to Pullman! If I don't get this, there are two other applications in at WSU. I hope to get interviews for those jobs as well. I always seem to get to the interview round but I am not the top one chosen. Usually I am in the top five of all applicants. So maybe those other four people have been hired elsewhere and I will get the job this time!

At work here I am back to dealing with the problem from the last week. I am trying to track down why something will not carry data to and from the database, yet all the fields around it work just fine. I had two quick bugs I closed out today.

I was going to watch my nephews but it turned out that they did not need to be watched because Jon was not going to the event he was going to go to. I called Kyle and left a message. I was not really in the mood to go over to see him today. I feel scuzzy because I need a haircut in a major way. I think I will get that done tomorrow.

I chatted with Jared some more. I showed him my blog with the three coming out stories. So now he knows I am a fellow EMS guy and I am also gay. He said he knew that we clicked pretty quickly. He sort of figured something out when I was talking to him using some gay community buzz words. Finally asked me "str8 up"... what team did I play for. That is when I showed him the coming out stories. I said I am gay.

I spent the evening at home just hanging out on the Internet and then I watched the Real Gilligan's Island. I cannot believe I did that. I am so mad at myself for getting into the show. But there is a ten-six-seven and I wanted to see him do well. So far he has not been knocked off the island.