A heart to heart.

We had no calls all night long at the fire station so I slept nicely. I got up at six o'clock am Thursday and headed to Colfax to get ready for work. It was not a really busy day. It went nicely and I was not all that tired like I had been earlier in the week.

I first worked on installing Windows XP Pro on a computer. While I was doing that I was reading the Pullman Moscow Daily News. I saw an ad for the casino that is going to open in Pullman. They were looking for dealers! All I had to do to apply is go to Zeppoz. How lucky was that, I was going there that evening. I finished up some issues and then was assigned one where a computer was dead. I figured it was a bad power supply. I took the computer back to IS to see if I had a power supply that would work for it.

Just after four o'clock I left for Pullman. I was going to work on a computer at the Pullman District Court office. I spent some time dealing with it, and then I headed to Zeppoz. I first filled out an application for being a dealer. The guy said I would make minimum wage plus tips. He said that if selected I would have a dealer school. The dealer school is five nights a week for about three and a half to four hours a night. He said you don't have to go to all of them. He said once the applications are in, that they will invite some of the people to dealer school, and then from there, he will give some of those from dealer school a job. He said I am already invited to dealer school! He said he can tell just by talking to some people if they will make it in to dealer school, and he said I made it.

Then I went over and got with Jason and Suz, Heather, and Michele and Dan. We were going to talk about the problems that seem to exist between me and some of the others. We talked about several items, but it mostly came down to a few things. First off, the problem between Garrett and I. Secondly, the lack of communication. Once I talked them through what was happening to me through out the season, the money troubles, and what not, they understood what was happening to me. When I explained how I was so upset that I was letting the team down that day that I was pitching against the Tax Dodger, and how at that time I felt that my future with My Office was going away. How I wasn't pitching at all in the co-ed tournament, I felt that I was playing my last games with the team. Then I said with all those issues Garrett said something that was really hurtful. I explained how I was at first. I had the idea I was playing my last games with My Office, I was worried about making every play, not dropping a ball, and doing everything right, and I had a ton of bricks weighing in on me and then Garrett said what he said, and that just made me snap. It was from that point I wanted nothing to do with Garrett.

They were saying from their point of view Garrett, when asked, said he had no clue what was going on. And when I was asked I would not give any answer at all. So, from their point of view I was being a jackass and just being mean to be mean. Once I explained to them how I felt do to some of Garrett's actions and words they understood. Everyone keeps telling me I need to talk to him and get it settled. I keep telling them I don't give a crap about him, and if he has a problem with it, that he can come talk to me. Heather agreed saying that in all this time where Garrett saw a problem, that he never once came to me to talk it out. I mentioned how I have the feeling that I am not good enough to play on the same field as Garrett anymore. There was a time only a few seasons ago Garrett was one of the worst hitters on the team, but I kept him because he was a nice guy and he played good defense. Now he is hitting the ball better, so to me he seems like more of an ass towards me. At St. Maries he asked Jason if Jason would take over the team. Jason said he would not. Garrett did not like that.

So, I don't know what will happen with Garrett and IM's this fall. I told Dan that I understand his and Ron's position, and that I don't know if things will get settled in time. I said you are going to have to do, what you have to do. So, that leaves it open to the point where Dan and Ron may not play still. Michele said she was happy to see that I had Garrett on the e-mail about softball. I told everyone that I can hate someone off the field, but when it comes to game time I am not going to screw with things. People at St. Maries thought I was doing things on purpose to screw with Garrett. My response was that the world does not revolve around Garrett and it is not always about him. Someone said that Garrett said he was not on the e-mail about St. Maries, but in fact he was. I was able to pull up the e-mail I sent that had him on it. I told them that he did not take the time to respond to my message.

When it was done I felt there was some closure but I still felt wronged. I felt like the people who thought I was "fucking with the team" were not there to hear everything. And worse off I pulled the stat sheets and I did not do anything that Jason did not do, but some of the guys did not like what I was doing. Jason disliking that I rescheduled the game. He said it was big deal to him, but it wasn't. And I can not get over that. At what point am I someone's bitch and at what point am I given some authority to do what I think needs to be done.

I am going to let the winter slip by before I make a final decision about what I am going to do about next season, but to me it is still up in the air. To me I don't know if I am going to play for My Office or start a new team. I don't know if I will play co-ed or travel to Seattle and play in a team out there on Sunday's. I don't know if Garrett will play IM's or not, but if he chooses to play I do know a few things.

First off we are going to sit down and have a heart to heart. I am going to let him know he is not the "shit". If he has a problem with the way I was running the team he should bitch to me about it. He will understand why I did what I did at St. Maries. I will then give him the IM team to run the way he sees fit. He will make the line ups, he will set the fielding positions, he will deal with problems. He will run the practices. He will do everything. That way he will have no complains about the way I do things.