Three stories about coming out

I was a little more useful at work today. I got a problem that was considered a show stopper taken care of. I also met up with Jim and Jon for lunch at the Three Pigs BBQ.

I left and headed home. I was thinking about a few things that happened in the last two years. A guy who I knew from WSU signed on for the first time in a long time. He did some reporting for the Daily Evergreen. He did a story about the lack of gay magazines in Pullman. He interviewed me for the story. That was January twenty-eight of two thousand and three.

The article was on page three of the Evergreen. I expected to hear from people about it. It was a situation where I knew I would be outing myself to the whole school. I was concerned how people at the fire department would take it.

The following week he had a training and no one said anything. I had not heard a single word about it. In fact I was starting to think that no one had read it and I got away with it. I was wrong.

About two weeks later we were having HazMat training. We were in the CUE building. We were using two rooms. The whole class was in one room. Myself and the trainer who was a WSU captain was in the other room. We had a break at the time. I was reading a copy of the Evergreen. I was standing there with my arms holding myself up over the desk where the paper was located. The instructor was the front of the room by the computer.

Then he said "Was that article about you?" I dropped my head. I paused for a second. Everything came crashing down. People knew!!! I said it was. So we had a brief small talk. The training ended soon. Jason, Drew, and I got into Rescue and headed back to our station. Jason is a quiet guy. He is a resident at the fire station. He is the kind of guy who is nice to everyone. Drew is in his thirties. He has several kids. He is one of those guys who has wild sex stories all the time. Everyone is always listening to him talk about what he does.

I was driving. Jason was in the middle and Drew was on the outside. Drew said that he had read a story in the Evergreen. He asked if it was about me. I said it was. He said so the closet door is opening. We talked about the story and me being gay. He and Jason were both okay with it. I said to Jason, did all the residents read the story. He sort of closed his eyes and slowly shook his head yes.

I was quiet. He said if I don't make a big deal about it no one else will either. I thought about that and took it to heart. I decided I would not talk about it unless someone else brought it up and wanted to know. That is the way it has been since that night in Rescue on the way back from HazMat training.

It was slightly strange knowing that others know. Some of the people I was closer with were good about it. Sometimes they would make neutral comments that showed they knew about it. It was just like normal banter between me and the guys. One of the new guys on the department asked me one day while I was down there if I was gay. He pulled me aside. He said he had heard, but wanted to know rather than listening to rumors. I admitted it was true. He was totally fine with it. He said that he could tell. I asked how. He said he worked in Florida with a lot of gay people around and had finely tuned gay-dar. He said there was nothing big, just a few small things.

Rewinding several years going back to the weekly card games at John’s house. Usually after training several of us would play cards at John’s. We were a group of guys who had fun and always talked about everything. One thing that was an on going joke was that I was gay. I never denied it once. I only laughed it off. I was at the point of not lying about it, but I would not always confirm it either.

At a boy scout camp John, several other fire fighters, and I taught some CPR classes. One of the guys who worked there was an EMT and was the “camp medic”. I got to know him. He was a major ten-six-seven. Blonde hair - blue eyes. Very nice. After the training was over and we were on the way back to Pullman in the van John made a comment about me hitting on that guy. Everyone laughed their asses off. They all saw it. I, too, laughed it off.

Another incident happened where I sent my friends an online quiz where you had a chance to see how well your friends knew you. One question was about my favorite actor. My answers were Steven Seagal, Paul Walker, and two others. Everyone who knew me choose Steven Seagal. After the test it shows what you missed. My answer was Paul Walker. A few days later I show up to the poker game. The others were already there. John immediately said “Who the fuck is Paul Walker?” I said that he was in the Fast and the Furious, Varsity Blues... John cut me off and said “Oh my God, you really ARE gay!!!” Everyone busted up laughing. I again laughed it off.

Then a few months later John and I were playing heads up. We did that a lot. Everyone else was gone. I kept trying to build up courage to tell him. I knew that he would not have a problem with it really. He is a really gruff guy on the exterior. A man’s man so to speak, but I also knew John was a very thoughtful and caring guy. John was also a progressive guy who was above hating someone for being gay.

I was dealing the cards. In the middle of the deal I blurt out, I am gay. His eyes bulged, he said WHAT!?!? I said I am gay. He did not believe me. In all the time of giving me a hard time about it, I think he still thought I was straight. He asked if I was serious. I told him I was. I told him that I was truly gay. He said “you better not be lying or I will kick your ass.” I laughed. I reaffirmed it. I also asked him not to tell anyone else. I told him my fear of being poorly treated by certain people. He said he would not. And true to John’s form he said if anyone every gives me a hard time about it to let him know because he will take care of it. John is not one to back down from a fight and he is very protective of friends. John is a good friend.

Sometime between John finding out and the newspaper article another incident happened. We were going to have a crew get together. We were going to meet at Rico’s and have some fun. Brandon and I were there. I invited my friend John (a different one from above) to come down as well. John showed up. Brandon and I waited around for a while. We found out later the get together was cancelled but no one bothered to tell us. I was pretty upset, but I was not going to let it ruin a good night. We drank a lot at Rico’s and then we went to the Sports Page. We played pool for a while.

Up to this time Brandon did not know neither John nor I were gay. As the night went along John and I said things about certain guys. Brandon was catching on. John went to the bathroom and Brandon came over to ask me if John was gay. I said that John was gay and so am I. Brandon was slightly shocked but he was cool about it.

After the night was over with we walked to our cars. John stopped and gave me a friendly hug. It was in front of Brandon. I am sure he thought that was weird. Brandon and I got in my truck and I gave him a ride home. We got to his house and talked about it for a while.

In all my worries about people at the fire department knowing and treating me differently were vastly untrue. I am sure some people have a problem with it and bite their tongue or talk behind my back. But the bottom line is that I have to be who I am, and as long as when we are on the fire ground, they treat me no differently I am fine with it.

Since that time one other new guy on the department is very open and very obviously gay. I also know of a WSU fire fighter who is highly closeted. I do not even know who it is, but I know he exists. I can understand him wanting to be closeted there. He has to share a room with guys and they live in close quarters. It is different with me. I don’t live with them. I wonder if that guy will ever come out while he is here or if he will stay in the closet until he is long gone.