With a heavy heart I turned it down

I talked to Ryan online this morning and it seemed that he is allowing me to use his apartment only because I needed it and that he was not totally hip to the idea. I did not want to impose. So I told him not to worry about it. I also felt I did not have the support of my family.

I called and told Mike that I would not take the job. I felt horrible when I told him that. I felt like it was a mistake. I had a bad day. I was not much fun to be around. I also E-mailed Mike and told him the same and explained why I was turning it down.

The day was bad. I did not want to turn down the job but I did. So most of the day I focused on that and regretted my decision. I needed to get a new cell phone. My old one needs a fifty dollar battery. A new phone was thirty bucks. So I went to the Sprint store and picked one up.

When I got home my mom could tell that I was not in a happy mood like I usually am. She asked what was up. I told her. We talked about it. I made her feel really bad, and for that I feel like scum. It was totally unfair for me to make her feel bad. I cannot forgive myself for doing that.

She said that if I feel bad about turning down the job that I should call Mike and tell him I still want it if it is open. I expected that it had already been offered to someone else. But I called and left him a voicemail about wanting it. I told him to call if it was still open.